Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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