Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
