you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
