Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
