Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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