I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
did i just pee glitter
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
