There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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