I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
