Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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