I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
