dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
