Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
