i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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