i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
