And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm like, not good at living.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize