By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
