I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
