I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
