sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
