then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
