If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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