I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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