Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
