Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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