I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize