Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
