He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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