I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
