Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
