You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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