I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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