you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
