Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
