you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
