Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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