So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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