we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
