that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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