i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
