remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
