whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
