So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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