you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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