I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
