Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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