she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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