apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
