Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
you never un-have a 4some
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize