I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
