Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize