clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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