ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Randomize