bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
