you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just found puke in my bra..
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
