Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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