Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
