sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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