she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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