Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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