it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize