he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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