I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Pants are for mortals
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
