Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
