Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
