Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
