He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
