the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
