remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
