HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
