your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
