let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
